What to do when you can’t agree on a baby name
It is very common for two people to love completely different names. It does not mean you are a bad match. It usually means you have been negotiating one name at a time, which is the hardest way to do it.
Find the names you both loveStop vetoing in real time
When a name is said out loud and the other person winces, it is hard for either of you to feel heard. Take the live reaction out of it: write your names down privately, then look at them together later.
Find out why, not just what
Behind “I don’t like it” there is often something specific. A teacher with that name, a nickname you dread, a family connection, or how it sounds with your surname. Saying why makes it easier to find another name that keeps what you each care about.
- Ask each other: what do you want a name to feel like?
- Agree two or three things that matter (easy to spell, a family link, not too common) and score names against those.
Look for the overlap you did not know about
Couples who feel stuck often find that their private lists share a few names after all, because each assumed the other would hate them. Seeing only the names you both picked, without seeing the rest, is a gentle way to find them.
Share the choices, not the whole decision
If you still cannot agree, you can split the choosing. One of you picks the first name and the other the middle name, or you each pick a shortlist of three and the other chooses from it. It works best when you agree the rule before you start.
Know it is allowed to take a while
You do not need the perfect name today. A name that you both feel fine about and that grows on you is a good name.
A little game for two
Baby Name Jar is a free daily game for choosing your baby’s name together. You each drop a name in the jar, nobody sees the other’s until you have both added yours, and then the jar opens and you find the names you both love.
Start your jar, it’s freeQuestions
What if we really cannot find any names in common?
Widen the search rather than arguing harder. Look at a different style together, such as shorter names, classic names or names from your families, and add a few more to each list. The baby name ideas page lets you browse by style.
Should the parent who disagrees just give in?
Nobody should feel they lost. A name that one of you only tolerates is harder to live with than a slightly less perfect name you both like, so it is worth taking the time.
Can we keep our lists secret from each other?
Yes. That is how the free baby name match works: each of you picks names privately, and the page only shows the names you both picked.