How to choose a baby name as a couple

Start with separate lists

If one of you says a name out loud first, the other tends to react to it, and the conversation turns into yes and no. Instead, each of you write down the names you like on your own, without looking at each other’s. Ten each is plenty.

Compare only the overlap

Put the two lists side by side and look only at the names that appear on both. Those are your starting point, and they are usually a bigger group than people expect. Names that only one of you picked do not have to be defended or rejected, they just stay on the list they came from.

• Do not explain or argue for a name until you have seen the overlap.
• If there is no overlap, that is information, not failure. Add five more each and try again.

Say the shortlist out loud

Names look different written down. Say each one with your surname, call it across a room, and say it crossly, because you will. A name that still feels right after a few days of that is a good sign.

Give it time, and a deadline

Rushing makes people dig in, but never deciding is stressful too. Agree a date to pick a name or two, and keep the list private until then, so that nobody else’s opinion arrives before you have settled on your own.

A little game for two

Baby Name Jar is a free daily game for choosing your baby’s name together. You each drop a name in the jar, nobody sees the other’s until you have both added yours, and then the jar opens and you find the names you both love.